To the mother who needs a push. I see you. To the mother who thinks she can handle one more thing on top of the seven that she already has planned for the day, only to silently cry from becoming so overwhelmed. I see you. To the mother who feels alone, has gone through a recent loss, is tired, depressed, anxious for no reason, emotional, traumatized, hurt, sad, or broken. I see you. To the mother who feels as if she is failing and falling apart, I see you. I see you even when you are happy, and bright, when you are feeling motivated, strong, witty, and energetic. I see you in all forms. As a mother we connect on a level no other can compare to. We agree and see eye to eye on things that only we as mothers understand, though at times we are at war with each other, we still connect.
You’re doing all you can. Stop pushing yourself to a point you cannot reach. Stop degrading yourself. Lift yourself up. Positive steps. Take a break and breathe. Becoming a mother is the most beautifully challenging accomplishment one could ever experience. It isn’t easy all the time, but the things that are most grueling, tend to be the most amazing things in the end, so be patient. Be patient with the cries, and the 10 MILLION “mommy….” calls in a day. Be patient with yourself, make time for yourself; your soul, body and mind. You are growing and learning everyday. At the end of everyday look at all you managed to achieve and be proud, even if the only thing you managed to do was wake up, maybe make some coffee, watch cartoons with your little. The lazy days, those are the days you need, in order to keep yourself sane so don’t belittle yourself for allowing time to relax when you find the chance to. You’re doing all you can.
Meditation. Meditation may sound ridiculous to some, it did to me because I cant even take myself serious when I talk to myself by accident, so there was absolutely no way I would be able to relax my mind, in silence, without getting up two seconds later saying its worthless. IT’S NOT! It works, it helps. There are different types of meditation. You can meditate to clear your mind, or maybe you just need help relaxing your body, or how about when the kids are testing your patience and you’re trying to refrain from smacking them into next year so you need a way to breathe, take a step back and recollect your emotions. Meditation can help. Whether you are in a noisy room or quiet, become one with yourself. Let the babies climb all over you while you’re still, build a bubble that only you can pop. Concentrate on what you’re needing to fix, and begin slowly breathing, talking aloud, calming yourself from the inside out. You can take it so far as to stretch, stretch to each side, roll your head, relax. This doesn’t have to be a 20 minute meditation session, just something to remind yourself that you are in fact, in control. You are capable of feeling okay even if only for a few minutes. Touch your body, compliment yourself. Stretch your fingertips out and run them down your whole body and tell yourself what you love about every part, deep breaths in and out as you continue to the next body part. Once you have covered every part of your body, or even just finished with the little extra breather you needed, open your eyes and be calm. Whether you are at work, home fighting with your hubby, trying to put a diaper on the baby that keeps taking it off and running around with it. No matter the case, allow yourself to be calm and handle the situation how you never would have 5 minutes prior.
Work-Life balance, may seem impossible, and sometimes it really can be, but it is the most important balance you should create for yourself. You first have to accept that it will never be perfect. You will always have something at home disrupting your mind as you work, and vice versa, it will never be ideally perfect but you can definitely do your best to make it as close to “perfect” as possible. You have to make sure you are working a job you love. You will never be satisfied, content or happy if you are not working a job you love or are passionate about. The kiddos want to be inspired, they want to watch you come home tired, yet with a smile and tell them a 1:8 bad vs good ratio of things that happened at work. They don’t want to deal with crabby, mean, constantly upset and complaining about work mommy, because then they will grow up settling for less thinking there’s no good, fun, decent work out there. You don’t always have to have good days or love your job but its best you come home happier then you do/would if you work a job you have no interest in. Prioritizing your health is also a major step in keeping a good work-life balance. Like said above, give yourself breaks throughout your day to breathe and relax your mind. You need those short 5 minutes every so often or you will go bat shit crazy! Be positive always, lift yourself up and promote happiness upon yourself. Set boundaries for work, and always keep your family and loved ones on a pedestal and make time for them, along with yourself. “We need the money“, yes I’ve heard and said this many times in my lifetime. “I can’t miss work, we have bills to pay” so on.. And you’re not wrong but your self health is more important, sometimes you need a day, or two, or maybe just a few hours to sleep in. Do not let it become routine, but do give yourself one of those days to go out and spend it with family, if you need a personal self-healing day, take it without hesitation. You cannot work with an uneasy mind. For the money part, maybe you have to wait until there aren’t so many bills, or in other words a “better” time, maybe you feel off and want to take the day but you feel as if there could be a better reason to take that day later on, for whatever reason. Regardless when you take it and why, is not whats important, whats important is that you simply, take it. You deserve time for yourself and for your loved ones. Allowing yourself a breather, that is how you will keep up with work, and mental health.
Postpartum Depression Tips, for the mothers that are struggling more then just a simple breather or break, I have some [hopefully] helpful pointers and tips. For starters you are not alone, whether its depression that stemmed from pregnancy, before, during or after the baby, or even if it was way back years prior to baby even being a possibility, you are not alone. 1 in 7 women experience postpartum depression in at least one of its forms, being a mild case or severe. At least 70%-80% of women experience the ‘baby blues‘, and only 10%-20% of women actually report that they have any signs of depression. Postpartum is a very hard thing to go through and some don’t get the chance to come out of it but hopefully reading this post will help you through at least some of your hardest days. Don’t worry if you didn’t get that “love at first sight” feeling, or if that it seems it has been a hard struggle to find love within your baby, this is completely normal when dealing with postpartum depression. For some, finding that “in awe” feeling can take weeks, or even months, but it will come within time as long as you allow yourself to try.
- A secure bond with your sweet baby/babies is definitely a step in the right direction. The attention your babies need is also the attention that you may not know you need as well. Your mind is so consumed by your baby, there’s sleepless nights, stressful nights, nights you don’t eat, and it all becomes so overwhelming, but there’s a way to at least use it to your benefit. Snuggles are the absolute best way to ease an anxious mind. When in close contact with your baby, it releases Oxytocin. An increase in Oxytocin makes you more sensitive to others emotions, and makes you feel happier all together, which in the end would of course help you care for your baby and feel better as a whole when, caring for them.
- Sing to your babe, it may sound silly at first but it not only helps with their sensory stimulation, it also helps keep your mind occupied on something other then whatever thoughts you have running around in your head.
- Don’t lose yourself. Like said many times above, self care is the best way to keep yourself and baby happy and stress free. Get out, even if it’s a struggle getting out of bed every morning, tell yourself it’s what you need, and allow yourself to go out of the house whether with or without your baby. Go meet up with some family or girlfriends for a brunch, or go on a walk with your baby. Listen to music, sing and dance. NAP. If you have family or friends willing to take the baby for a few hours, let them, even if you would feel more comfortable with them watching the baby in your home, anything that allows you to get an uninterrupted sleep. Always allow help from others, don’t try to do it all on your own, you will heal and feel so much better within yourself if you just accept the help presented to you.
- Social media/Support networking, is such a big help. Facebook has so many mom groups, if you just type “mom groups” or “mom support” etc.. into the search bar, groups from all over will pop up and you can join. Here are two that you may enjoy, you can ask questions and make new mommy friends, whatever you may desire. [ Mommy Group , First time moms] Mom groups are an easy, friendly way to get non-judgmental advice from other mothers just like you.
- If severe, ask a doctor on what kind of medical actions may be taken. Most will prescribe a medication fit for you, or suggest you go and speak to some form of therapist, which is completely okay as well. Again you are not alone and just because you may have a case more severe than others does not mean you are any different.
Remember, if dealing with postpartum depression, it is never your fault, and in most cases, requires treatment. If having thoughts of harming you or your baby, call a friend or family member right away, or for hotlines call 1-800-PPD-MOMS (1-800-773-6667), 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
Brooklyn Leigh 