Month: November 2019

Co-sleeping and Bed-sharing

Lets talk about co-sleeping and bed-sharing, whether against it, for it or wanting to learn more about it, I will be guiding you through all the pros, cons and misconceptions of co-sleeping, and bed-sharing with your babies, but there is a difference between the two so hopefully this post allows you to learn those differences. Lets start with, “what is co-sleeping“? Co-sleeping means/is sleeping in close proximity to your child, sometimes on the same surface, sometimes not. Co-sleeping is very regularly confused with room-sharing, it is almost exactly the same. Room-sharing is self explanatory, clearly meaning to share a room with your little but not on the same surface/in the same bed. Room-sharing is actually highly recommended and can also reduce SIDS. When you bring your baby home, the first few weeks are absolute hell. You’re up every 1-3 hours feeding, some are nursing, pumping, eating, doing diaper changing, rocking, and so forth, so room-sharing can help ease the stress that comes with those things. If your baby is in the same room as you, you will be less likely to sleep through cries. Babies also may feel more comforted and sleep longer hours of the night knowing you are close by. Room-sharing helps create a closer emotional bond between you and your baby, by being close throughout the night as well.

“What is bed-sharing“, bed-sharing is also very self explanatory, it is the sharing of a bed/personal space with your baby. Before going into facts, I personally bed-share with my daughter and have since the day she came home from the hospital. From my own experience it has helped create a tight close bond between my daughter and I. It was so much simpler to breastfeed when I had been breastfeeding because she was already right there. I got cuddles 24/7 which helped the emotional distress I was going through when I left the hospital. My daughter had troubles breathing when she would sleep on her own and I noticed her breathing became almost in sync with mine when we would sleep together. I loved it so much and have had no issues, one of the cons I have heard about bed-sharing is that once they get old enough to sleep completely alone, the transition to a crib, pack-n-play, etc… is awful. That wasn’t the case for me, my daughter only bed-shares with me every so often now with her being 8 months old, but transitioning her was very easy, she actually kind of transitioned herself, she started getting fussy the older she got when she was being held “too long” so we would lay her in a pack-n-play and she would self soothe and sleep amazingly from there. Now for the facts, pros and cons on bed-sharing aside from my opinions.

Cons first.

  • Less sleep for you, baby or even both. Although it helped me and my baby get more sleep, some parents/babies may have the opposite effect, some have troubles getting sleep due to the constant worry of harming the baby, or maybe you have a very independent baby who loves their space and being able to stretch out and be alone during their sleep time.
  • Less intimacy for you and your partner. Most of the time you’re too worn out and tired to even think about sex but eventually you will get back in the “mood” and with baby bed-sharing, it would be nearly impossible.
  • Higher risk of SIDS, where as room-sharing is more highly recommended, bed-sharing can cause a higher risk of SIDS by 5 times IF you dont take the correct and safe precautions!
  • Like stated above, it can be a rough transition to a crib, bed, or pack-n-play when the time comes

Pros next.

  • More convenient for nursing during the nights.
  • Creates a closer bond.
  • Can help sleeping for you, the baby and or both. It is actually a proven fact that sleeping with, or in close proximity to your baby can help them sleep longer throughout the nights and letting them “cry it out” or “self soothe” can do more damage than good. It can be very traumatizing for babies that young in age, aswell as cause neurological problems in their little brains. It causes them to have elevated blood pressure alongside elevated cerebral pressure. IF you decide this option is better for you, here is a post about that!
  • Helps mommies who work, get a daily dose of their little ones. Working is hard especially when you have a developing baby back at home. Some have to endure missing out on milestones just to make ends meet. So bed-sharing can help those mommies gain the bond they don’t get during the days, throughout their nights.
  • Can help babies gain weight. It is known to help babies that may be struggling with thriving in weight , to do so if they’re in a comfortable setting, and close to their mothers.
  • Safer. Even though a con is that it has a higher SIDS risk up to 5 times, that is only if you dont take the proper precautions. If you are practicing safe sleep for bed sharing, the risk of SIDS decreases significantly.

Some things to think about to make sure either decision you’re planning to make with co-sleeping and or bed-sharing safer and of course more enjoyable are

THE SAFE SLEEP SEVEN

  1. baby is on a safe surface
  2. baby is lightly dressed, you as well would increase safety
  3. healthy full-term baby
  4. a breastfeeding mother
  5. baby on back
  6. mother is sober and non-impaired
  7. mother is a non smoker

(1) baby and you should be on a safe flat surface, edges blocked off so no possibility of baby falling or going anywhere they shouldn’t and the surface should have more than enough room for you and your babe, you should not be able to move or roll ontop of your baby, and if you feel you are somebody who moves alot in their sleep, room/co-sleeping would fit much better for you

(2) baby at the least if not you aswell should be lightly dressed, one layer of clothing is practical that way you can decrease the risk of material or fabric causing strangulation or suffocation in anyway.

(3) the reason baby should be healthy and full term is because in studies showing a high risk in SIDS, the risk is increasingly higher in preterm/premature babies due to other health factors found in most premature babies.

(4) a breastfeeding mother is ideal but not necessary for safe bed-sharing, this reason being that mothers who breastfeed can agreeably and understandably be tired in mid nighttime, the AAP states something along the lines of removing baby and placing in bed or arms only for feedings and changes then placing them back into their cribs, but this is so unreasonable. Thinking about the amount of times mothers (i even) have fallen asleep in bed while breastfeeding is scarier thinking it could happen in a rocking chair or couch etc… so what happens when that happens and your baby falls loose from your grip once you’re asleep, or isn’t actually feeding, so forth. Instead the safe thing to do would be to SAFELY bed-share and feed your baby as freely as you’d like and as safely as possible. This way if mom falls asleep, baby will be safely on their back, in a secure and safe place where no harm can be made and they will be able to easily feed throughout the night and you will get the bits of sleep you may need. That also is just one of many reasons why breastfeeding while bed-sharing is much more ideal, another is that baby should never reach higher than the breast, this could cause strangulation and or suffocation if the baby is high enough to get under or on your pillows, or anything else that may be harmful, including your face. Every mother wants to cuddle and snuggle their baby and be inches away from a kiss but keeping baby at the breast regardless of feeding or not, is very very important for the safety of you and your babe

(5) baby being on their back is possibly the most important thing you could do! if baby sleeps on their bellies, the risk of SIDS and or suffocation increases dramatically, baby should be flat on their back OR on their side with a side sleeper if recommended by your doctor, some children with Acid Reflux or anything along those lines are usually pointed to a side sleeper pillow so they do not choke in their sleep etc… if that is something of concern definitely bring it up to your childs doctor.

(6) mother, father, or anyone who is sleeping with baby should be sober and able to do simple tasks that would mean you are not impaired, such as bottle/breastfeeding safely, diaper changes, outfit changes if needed, burping, waking at cries and so forth, if you feel you are unable to do these tasks, one…. bed-sharing is not for you and two…. your baby should be in somebody else’ care until you feel you are coherent enough to do those tasks.

(7) smoking aswell causes a massively high risk of SIDS even if you don’t share a room or bed with the child. Cigarette smoke has been widely proven to cause serious hazards to your child whether during pregnancy, or after, although there are safe ways around it, they are very lengthy and time consuming precautions when you could just stop smoking all together (to each their own, i’ve been a smoker, so no judgement here just laying facts/statements)

Regardless if you are for bed-sharing or against it, or interested in starting it, there are safe ways to do so. Making sure there are no heavy pillows, or blankets in the bed is a must and only one tip of many. For example, when I bed-share with my daughter I keep her on the other side of the bed next to me and push the bed against the wall so she isn’t close to the edge. I keep all pillows off of the bed except the ONE I sleep with. I use a light velvet blanket, that way if it is cold, it still has that comfortable fuzzy, warm feeling but it isn’t a heavy comforter taking up the whole bed space. Time to time I will cuddle my daughter to sleep but I do not recommend doing so unless you are comfortable knowing you will not roll on top of the baby, or harm the baby in any way. I do not roll or move in my sleep, I wake up the same way I fall asleep, so when cuddling my daughter, she stays right on the inside of my arm and we sleep the night away. For more safe sleep studies on bed-sharing, there will be a link attached here.

Before ending this post, here are 5 additional ways to prep your room for co-sleeping even though i’m sure its repeated several times in here already, and again co-sleeping is similar to room-sharing.

  1. getting a bassinet that is open to your bed or a pack-n-play or anything along those lines is definitely a start if you are preferring room-sharing or co-sleeping.
  2. making sure baby again, is dressed lightly and on their back with no blankets or anything surrounding them.
  3. if using an open crib/bassinet, make sure you remove as much fluff as possible from your bed, meaning limit pillows and blankets and make sure they aren’t too “in the way” for baby.
  4. ensure there are no gaps!!
  5. a helpful idea to make sure you have everything you need close by throughout the night, is to get a diaper caddy to keep by the bedside with all things needed such as wipes, diapers, extra paci or bottles if thats how you feed, burp cloths and extra clothes etc…

Hopefully this post will somewhat shine some light on this topic and anything new I find, I will add over time or create a second page.

To you.

To the mother who needs a push. I see you. To the mother who thinks she can handle one more thing on top of the seven that she already has planned for the day, only to silently cry from becoming so overwhelmed. I see you. To the mother who feels alone, has gone through a recent loss, is tired, depressed, anxious for no reason, emotional, traumatized, hurt, sad, or broken. I see you. To the mother who feels as if she is failing and falling apart, I see you. I see you even when you are happy, and bright, when you are feeling motivated, strong, witty, and energetic. I see you in all forms. As a mother we connect on a level no other can compare to. We agree and see eye to eye on things that only we as mothers understand, though at times we are at war with each other, we still connect.

You’re doing all you can. Stop pushing yourself to a point you cannot reach. Stop degrading yourself. Lift yourself up. Positive steps. Take a break and breathe. Becoming a mother is the most beautifully challenging accomplishment one could ever experience. It isn’t easy all the time, but the things that are most grueling, tend to be the most amazing things in the end, so be patient. Be patient with the cries, and the 10 MILLION “mommy….” calls in a day. Be patient with yourself, make time for yourself; your soul, body and mind. You are growing and learning everyday. At the end of everyday look at all you managed to achieve and be proud, even if the only thing you managed to do was wake up, maybe make some coffee, watch cartoons with your little. The lazy days, those are the days you need, in order to keep yourself sane so don’t belittle yourself for allowing time to relax when you find the chance to. You’re doing all you can.

Staying calm

Meditation. Meditation may sound ridiculous to some, it did to me because I cant even take myself serious when I talk to myself by accident, so there was absolutely no way I would be able to relax my mind, in silence, without getting up two seconds later saying its worthless. IT’S NOT! It works, it helps. There are different types of meditation. You can meditate to clear your mind, or maybe you just need help relaxing your body, or how about when the kids are testing your patience and you’re trying to refrain from smacking them into next year so you need a way to breathe, take a step back and recollect your emotions. Meditation can help. Whether you are in a noisy room or quiet, become one with yourself. Let the babies climb all over you while you’re still, build a bubble that only you can pop. Concentrate on what you’re needing to fix, and begin slowly breathing, talking aloud, calming yourself from the inside out. You can take it so far as to stretch, stretch to each side, roll your head, relax. This doesn’t have to be a 20 minute meditation session, just something to remind yourself that you are in fact, in control. You are capable of feeling okay even if only for a few minutes. Touch your body, compliment yourself. Stretch your fingertips out and run them down your whole body and tell yourself what you love about every part, deep breaths in and out as you continue to the next body part. Once you have covered every part of your body, or even just finished with the little extra breather you needed, open your eyes and be calm. Whether you are at work, home fighting with your hubby, trying to put a diaper on the baby that keeps taking it off and running around with it. No matter the case, allow yourself to be calm and handle the situation how you never would have 5 minutes prior.

Work-Life balance, may seem impossible, and sometimes it really can be, but it is the most important balance you should create for yourself. You first have to accept that it will never be perfect. You will always have something at home disrupting your mind as you work, and vice versa, it will never be ideally perfect but you can definitely do your best to make it as close to “perfect” as possible. You have to make sure you are working a job you love. You will never be satisfied, content or happy if you are not working a job you love or are passionate about. The kiddos want to be inspired, they want to watch you come home tired, yet with a smile and tell them a 1:8 bad vs good ratio of things that happened at work. They don’t want to deal with crabby, mean, constantly upset and complaining about work mommy, because then they will grow up settling for less thinking there’s no good, fun, decent work out there. You don’t always have to have good days or love your job but its best you come home happier then you do/would if you work a job you have no interest in. Prioritizing your health is also a major step in keeping a good work-life balance. Like said above, give yourself breaks throughout your day to breathe and relax your mind. You need those short 5 minutes every so often or you will go bat shit crazy! Be positive always, lift yourself up and promote happiness upon yourself. Set boundaries for work, and always keep your family and loved ones on a pedestal and make time for them, along with yourself. “We need the money“, yes I’ve heard and said this many times in my lifetime. “I can’t miss work, we have bills to pay” so on.. And you’re not wrong but your self health is more important, sometimes you need a day, or two, or maybe just a few hours to sleep in. Do not let it become routine, but do give yourself one of those days to go out and spend it with family, if you need a personal self-healing day, take it without hesitation. You cannot work with an uneasy mind. For the money part, maybe you have to wait until there aren’t so many bills, or in other words a “better” time, maybe you feel off and want to take the day but you feel as if there could be a better reason to take that day later on, for whatever reason. Regardless when you take it and why, is not whats important, whats important is that you simply, take it. You deserve time for yourself and for your loved ones. Allowing yourself a breather, that is how you will keep up with work, and mental health.

Postpartum Depression Tips, for the mothers that are struggling more then just a simple breather or break, I have some [hopefully] helpful pointers and tips. For starters you are not alone, whether its depression that stemmed from pregnancy, before, during or after the baby, or even if it was way back years prior to baby even being a possibility, you are not alone. 1 in 7 women experience postpartum depression in at least one of its forms, being a mild case or severe. At least 70%-80% of women experience the ‘baby blues‘, and only 10%-20% of women actually report that they have any signs of depression. Postpartum is a very hard thing to go through and some don’t get the chance to come out of it but hopefully reading this post will help you through at least some of your hardest days. Don’t worry if you didn’t get that “love at first sight” feeling, or if that it seems it has been a hard struggle to find love within your baby, this is completely normal when dealing with postpartum depression. For some, finding that “in awe” feeling can take weeks, or even months, but it will come within time as long as you allow yourself to try.

  • A secure bond with your sweet baby/babies is definitely a step in the right direction. The attention your babies need is also the attention that you may not know you need as well. Your mind is so consumed by your baby, there’s sleepless nights, stressful nights, nights you don’t eat, and it all becomes so overwhelming, but there’s a way to at least use it to your benefit. Snuggles are the absolute best way to ease an anxious mind. When in close contact with your baby, it releases Oxytocin. An increase in Oxytocin makes you more sensitive to others emotions, and makes you feel happier all together, which in the end would of course help you care for your baby and feel better as a whole when, caring for them.
  • Sing to your babe, it may sound silly at first but it not only helps with their sensory stimulation, it also helps keep your mind occupied on something other then whatever thoughts you have running around in your head.
  • Don’t lose yourself. Like said many times above, self care is the best way to keep yourself and baby happy and stress free. Get out, even if it’s a struggle getting out of bed every morning, tell yourself it’s what you need, and allow yourself to go out of the house whether with or without your baby. Go meet up with some family or girlfriends for a brunch, or go on a walk with your baby. Listen to music, sing and dance. NAP. If you have family or friends willing to take the baby for a few hours, let them, even if you would feel more comfortable with them watching the baby in your home, anything that allows you to get an uninterrupted sleep. Always allow help from others, don’t try to do it all on your own, you will heal and feel so much better within yourself if you just accept the help presented to you.
  • Social media/Support networking, is such a big help. Facebook has so many mom groups, if you just type “mom groups” or “mom support” etc.. into the search bar, groups from all over will pop up and you can join. Here are two that you may enjoy, you can ask questions and make new mommy friends, whatever you may desire. [ Mommy Group , First time moms] Mom groups are an easy, friendly way to get non-judgmental advice from other mothers just like you.
  • If severe, ask a doctor on what kind of medical actions may be taken. Most will prescribe a medication fit for you, or suggest you go and speak to some form of therapist, which is completely okay as well. Again you are not alone and just because you may have a case more severe than others does not mean you are any different.

Remember, if dealing with postpartum depression, it is never your fault, and in most cases, requires treatment. If having thoughts of harming you or your baby, call a friend or family member right away, or for hotlines call 1-800-PPD-MOMS (1-800-773-6667), 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

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